Monday, May 19, 2008

Microkinis are IN

Regardless of what the fashion press keeps babbling about, microkinis are in. I really don't care who likes it and who doesn't - they just are. Just take a look at the multitude of microkini manufacturers all over the internet; if microkinis weren't favored by a considerable number of people, do you seriously think any businessman or businesswoman worth his or her salt would bother to start a business of this kind? You can even take a look at your bog-standard, conventional, conservative fashion magazines: although "thong" and "g-string" are two very dirty words and, thus, banished from their editors' vocabulary, the swimwear they show us every month or week or fortnight, depending on how frequently the magazine publishes a new issue, tries to be as skimpy as possible: although most "normal" brands shy away from producing thong and g-string bikinis, most of them are seriously low cut and the backs try to be as narrow as possible without allowing anyone to call them "thong backs".

Of course, this is all utter nonsense. If you want to make a skimpy bikini, go ahead and make it - and promote it in such a way that women will want it. Then again, perhaps this "no thongs" policy has something to do with thonging being effectively prohibited throughout most of the USA, which is one huge market for swimwear.

Anyway, the point I want to make is that people want smaller swimwear and this is reflected in designers' attempts to circumvent whatever restrictions are imposed on them by "the powers that be" and make them smaller than last year's collections. Guys want us women to wear thongs and microkinis. OK, some don't want their woman or daughter to wear a thong (much less a microkini), but they drool over other men's women or daughters wearing them. How pathetic and hypocritical. And most women want to wear them, too. Some wish they had the body or the self-confidence it takes to wear them. Others wish their significant other allowed them to wear one. And even those who go out and say "oh no, I'd never wear a thong on the beach, it's too risque", secretly wish they had the guts to wear one. And if you hear any woman saying that microkini-wearing women are sluts, well, don't touch her face: her make-up will rub off and you'll see how green envy has made her.

All right then, so why doesn't the fashion press embrace microkinis and thongs? I think the answer's easy: they're actually mainstream magazines, also read by people who believe in a set of ideas they call "morality" (i.e. "I'd rather my children thought babies are delivered by storks, but I do like to read about how to make my sex life kinkier, although I think sex is a sin and would prefer my children to watch a movie where someone brutally kills a few thousand people instead of a movie where someone lovingly caresses a nude woman") and also have a tendency to think that thong bikinis are worn only by porn actresses. If you were the editor of such a magazine, owned by a big media conglomerate, and if you knew that any controversy with the more hypocritical part of society could get you fired, would you risk it? I think not.

To be entirely honest with you, although I always thought I'm pretty open-minded, I initially was a bit unsure about wearing a thong. I was 20 years old then and a boyfriend of mine brought it to my attention; he asked me how I'd like to wear a thong on the beach, since I already wore thong and g-string undies and my prefered kind of shorts for the summer were tiny cut-off jeans or really tiny hotpants. I told him I wasn't sure about it, but I'd give it a try. Well, a few days later he bought me a Triumph thong bikini bottom: purple, with a bow tie on the back made of gold sequins. It was cute and sexy; pity Triumph doesn't make thong swimsuits these days. I wore it quite a lot for three summers and loved it. Well, that was it: I became a thong convert. And, of course, I've always made full use of the fact that here in Greece women are allowed to tan and swim topless.

But it was only when I first saw what microkinis were like that my jaw dropped. I was in utter awe. Of course, I didn't go "oh, what sluts these women are, wearing practically nothing". I loved the look of those suits and wanted to get some and wear them on the beach. Well, that didn't happen until last year, when I actually bought some - I've already written reviews about two of them. Well, that was it; I became a microkini convert. And if the beach doesn't lend itself to microkini wearing, I just wear a thong; besides, it's not like whatever little kids may be on the beach haven't seen their moms in thongs or don't know their moms wear thongs. They're not blind, they've definitely seen the laundry, so they know that mommy wears thongs and perhaps they've even seen mommy in her thong or g-string panties. Are thong and g-string swimsuits, or microkinis actually, more revealing than that? Not really. With this in mind, there's really no valid reason why a nice-looking woman (not necessarily a supermodel) wouldn't want to wear a thong or a g-string on the beach. Perhaps it's many women's fear of gossip. Well, just ignore it. Don't let the holier-than-thou morons run your life. It's your life, live it as you want, not as some uppity bitch wants you to live it.

Now, is there any reason why a woman shouldn't wear a thong or a microkini on the beach? Yes. Actually, three of them:

  1. "Those days of the month". Yes, the period.
  2. Aesthetic reasons. I'll be blunt here: although I'll never claim that a woman has to be a supermodel to wear a thong on the beach (I know I'm definitely not; most fashion designers would kick me out telling me what a fat pig I am) and although I know most girls nowadays have nice-looking bodies that can perfectly well look fantastic in a thong or a microkini, if you can't be bothered to take care of your body and your appearance, do us a favor and refrain from wearing thongs and microkinis on the beach. Please.
  3. Attitude reasons. Being sexy requires a certain kind of attitude. You have to love your body, you have to really like your appearance; you need to be able to make your sexy clothing become the icing on the cake of your own sexiness that comes from within. What does this mean? You really shouldn't expect to become sexy just because you wore a thong. And, of course, you have to be comfortable with the fact that large parts of your body are revealed when you walk the beach in a thong or microkini.
Anyway, the summer's getting started here and I can't wait for my chance to hit the beach. I suggest you do the same... In microkinis! There's nothing sexier than them!


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