Saturday, May 9, 2009

"Thongs are gay" and "thongs are for sluts" - Says who?

One of the most ignorant and idiotic remarks that keep popping up all over the internet is the claim that thongs are only suitable for gay men or for slutty women. In fact, it's practically become an almost dogma in almost all societies - no one will ever bother to give you any reason why it is so; they just say "oh come on, they just are". I'm not going to leave this bullshit uncontested, now that I've started writing again, after a really long hiatus.

Let me tackle the "thongs are for sluts" bit first. I usually hear it from the following two categories of people:

  1. Hypocritical men
  2. Uptight and ultra-conservative women
Why am I talking about "hypocritical men"? Well, all those men who go out and say that "thongs are for sluts" contradict themselves in that they don't mind their women wearing thongs as underwear. Furthermore, while these "macho" (see closet gay) idiots would rather kill their wife/girlfriend/sister/cousin/daughter if she dared wear a thong on the beach, they enjoy seeing other people's wives/girlfriends/sisters/cousins/daughters wearing thongs on the beach. The exact same applies to toplessness/topfreedom (personally, I almost always go topfree on the beach).

They only hate thong swimwear on their women, because swimwear is shown in public and, because it is shown in public, they feel threatened: they feel that their prized possession will be looked at, admired and their ownership of said woman - be it their wife, girlfriend, sister, daughter or cousin, will be contested. They act a lot like the Gollum in "Lord Of The Rings". I could very easily write an essay about how this stems from the misogynism and fear of women that monotheist religions and patriarchal societies have instilled in men, but it'd make this post impossibly long and I'm not really into fending off religious nuts and other hatemongering idiots with the IQ of a doorknob.

Now, let's see what's wrong with the uptight women. We live in patriarchal societies and religion teaches us that our bodies are sinful, dirty and disgusting. Religion (at least the monotheist ones) teach us that Evil comes from women, that women are the scum of the earth etc - at least, that's what the Old Testament says, that's what the Muslim religion says, that's what the Fathers of the Christian churches agree to. When all this misogynist propaganda (which is so extreme that one could easily infer that its creators are actually flaming homosexuals). It's really twisted and perverse, but women, who are, of course, brought up on all this bullshit, become - as future and present mothers - the Keepers of the Social Status Quo: thus, they perpetuate these ideas and raise their sons and daughters according to them. And what's worse, they live their lives hating themselves, hating their own feminine nature, their bodies, their sexuality, their desires, their very existence. Also, add to this the woman's fear of competition from other women in the love scene. Schizophrenic, no?

Obviously, a woman who decides to go against this ridiculous grain and don a thong on the beach - and even go topless - has to gather an awful lot of nerve and needs mountains of self-esteem. One of my friends would say she'd need to have an ego the size of the Eiffel Tower to ignore all these stupid prejudices.

But I think men are in far greater trouble in this department than women. I've already written that I love seeing nicely-shaped men in thongs, g-strings, microkinis, even exposure suits like the extreme swimsuits made by Dubio Bikinis. In that previous post, I had already gone some way to rebuking the whole "thongs are for fags" myth.

Now, let's face it, thongs are an evolution of the primitive loincloth and, well, thong swimwear for men has been around for pretty much as long as its female equivalent. Yet, pretty much like the "thongs are for sluts", there's this "thongs are for fags" myth that keeps on being reproduced all over the place, not unlike the "Hellenic Quest" hoax propagated by nationalists and idiots in Greece who take it at face value, although it's utter nonsense. Thongs are considered "gay-only" swimwear; even Speedos are considered gay by many and I've even heard that short, tight shorts-style swimsuits on men are the sign of "metrosexual" people.

So, if you want to be seen as a real heterosexual male, you have to wear dork shorts. I hate those. First of all, when I see a good-looking guy, I want to see as much of him as possible. Does that make me a slut? I don't care. Second, dork shorts are downright dangerous to swim in. The water gathering inside them makes them act as brake-chutes and impede swimming. They might be OK if you need something with pockets, but they're not swimwear. Who on earth decided that these britches should become "swimwear" is beyond me. Whoever it is, though, he'd better commit seppuku. Dork shorts look like crap on good-looking men and don't do much to flatter ugly ones.

But how did skimpier swimsuits for men end up being considered "gay"? Well, in the '60s, '70s and even the '80s, swimwear just plain got skimpier - both men's and women's. Those who could strut their stuff in those new skimpy suits did; they were confident, attractive men and women, with really good physique - and many of them were highly successful with the opposite sex. But it wasn't long until really ugly men started wearing those skimpy suits, thinking - the poor fools - that all they had to do was reveal as much of their bodies as possible. They never thought that what turned women on about the men originally wearing the skimpier suits was that they were fit and good-looking and that the skimpy swimwear was just an accessory to an already nice package.

As more and more ugly men started wearing skimpy swimwear hoping to score, many women eventually started finding skimpy swimwear on men less and less attractive; those unfit, hairy, fat slobs managed - in their desperation - to ruin Speedos and thongs for everyone. Nowadays, when most women think of guys wearing thongs, they're not going to think of a good-looking and well-groomed piece of beefcake in a thong; instead, they'll think of either a guy who's into guys (and I'll talk about that a bit further on down this post) or a big, fat, hairy slob with a rather dubious idea of personal hygiene.

But how did the gay thing get into the equation?

Let's face it, gay men happen to be generally more careful about their appearance than straight ones. Many of them are very fit and very well-groomed; why do you think you see teenage girls going "squeeee" over clearly gay pop stars? They look good. And so, since many gay guys look good, it's only natural that these guys will look good in thongs, g-strings and microkinis. They're not your typical fat, hair-shirted, hairy-backed relics of the Homo habilis era, wearing a swimsuit that doesn't fit at all and drooling all over the place as they ogle at everything that looks like a female primate. Hence, skimpier swimwear became acceptable for the - generally elegant - gay men, but a complete "no-no" for the straight...

So, are thongs indeed gay?

Don't be silly! I know quite a good deal of gay men and they wear just about any kind of swimwear you can imagine: dork shorts, short shorts, Speedos... In fact, they don't really go for the skimpier styles as much as you'd think - and when they do, they'll more likely be Speedos than thongs. I've seen, of course, fit and attractive gay men wear thongs and microkinis and have no problem with it. They look good in them and, since they have the confidence to wear them, I'm glad they do.

And I know some straight men who actually do wear thongs. My boyfriend does. He's fit, handsome and very confident about his body, his sexuality and his relationship with me - we go micro or nude together and, just as most guys find that an attractive woman's "WOW factor" increases exponentially when she struts her stuff in a thong, a g-string or a microkini, I find my boyfriend becomes infinitely hotter in a microkini - and I do think good-looking men look even better in microkinis.

I also happen to know a few straight male thongers. Those from Greece are usually "closet thongers" who only thong on beaches where seeing someone they know is unlikely (for fear of all that stupid, prejudiced gossip), while those from abroad thong openly and laugh at those ludicrous clichés. Are they "closet homosexuals"? No way. No Barbra Streisand fans here. They have no desire whatsoever to do anything sexual with another guy. They have no problem with gay men, they are usually liberal when it comes to their political stance, they laugh at stupid stereotypes and petty orderers-about of the Mary Whitehouse type and don't let ridiculous notions such as "our bodies are dirty and sinful" poison their thinking. Are they male sluts, though? Some are married. Some are in long-term relationships. Others are players. There's no way you can pigeonhole them.

As societies, we really, really need to open our minds and look at reality, instead of labeling people based on myths we have grown up with.


DavyJ said...

Excellent article. If you think things are bad in Greece, you should check out the US. Much worse, I can assure you. Here we have even been known to classify topfree and thong wearers as "sex offenders". For those not familiar with US law, if you are classified a "sex offender" different laws apply and you are considered a greater threat than a serial killer or those guys that took down the World Trade Center towers.

Anonymous said...

Dork shorts and oversize swimwear came about because almost 80% of people in USA are overweight (including the young people).